:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
