Define "chronic" masturbator.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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