i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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