The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He did a backflip because drugs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
