...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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