Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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