There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He? As in you personified your dick?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
