summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
