and you said cock pushups were impossible
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
