I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
