she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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