he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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