bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
