Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
