I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
