I wish they made helmets for livers.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
