before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
