very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
