VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
