I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
