I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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