I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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