I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
