The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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