NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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