Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
