please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
