Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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