You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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