9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
