I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
