The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
