I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
