Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
