Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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