I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
