What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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