he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
