you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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