Me. At least after what I've been through.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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