She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize