Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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