Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
