do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
