I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
