lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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