I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
