and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
