just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
