Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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