why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
