I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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