and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
