you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
