That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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