he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
