$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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