You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
