I got chris browned last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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