I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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